My pathetic life...😢

Assalamualaikum.....

Lame x update blog ni...besawang dah...huhu

Hari ni rase mcm nk luahkan ape yg terbuku lam hati ni...almaklum la ttcians ni super duper sensitive dr segi emosinye huhu...

Well, the good news is my sis da pregnant...alhamdulillah, sbb finally berjaya jgak. Dia pon lame da tggu ......when i know she's preggy...i was so happy...happy sgt until i forgt yg i am actually trying to convieve toooo......but after sometimes the happy moments turn up to becme my not in mood day....i swearrr im happy for her so damn much...but i pitty of my self tooo...its like my whole world crash on top of my head.....

From that day im trying to act normal infront of others....but not to my self, i cant lie to myslef...as usual im good pretender/actress ...till no body notice my sadness. Deep in my heart ....pray to Allah to give me a chance to experience the pregnancy world.

Now ..i thnk im recovery slowly and try to re-built my confidence level towards pregnancy. 

Owh ya...i just had newborn newphew, he is so cute...its took me 2 weeks to meet him as i dont want to hurt my feeling ( hehehe since im on recovery process)

Okay...now whats bothering me???

Mcm ni....i have bff watsapp group. I love them so much...they are married with kiddos....yupp with kiddos except ME😕

You know....we chitchatting about a lot of issues..im ok with that but when they talk about their kidddos....what am i suppose to say...they talk about school..education...exam...result..and how good their kiddos achievment ...i was like..😣

How happy lucky mom's you are my bff....tak mo tipuu the truth is ....im hurt!!! Unlucky wife with no kiddos....ouch...its soooo heartbreaking!!!😭😭😭😭😭😭

Dear bff,

Im on silent mode during the conversation not because im bz .....not because im not intrested....not because unsupportive to your kiddos.....but i am just a human being yang ada perasaan yg i cnt describe it at all....i dont thnk u all understand me...nope u will never know..i dont need your sympathy....just pray for me but in silently....if Allah da tetapkan yg i wont hv any kids...thn i pasrah n redha. Moga Allah bg rezeki yg lain...but if Allah dgr suara hati hamba mu ini...berilah peluang untuk aku mnjdi seorang ibu even hanya untuk seorang anak...ameen.


P/s: dear bungahati ibu....nampaknya blom ada tanda2 kamu nak menjengah rahim ibu lg.....ibu ttp sabar dan tetap mengharap moga yg Esa makbulkan doa2 ibu...tak saba ibu nak jmpe bungahati ibu ni.....taksaba ibu nak kandung kamu...nak dodoikan kamu sayang....nk dgr tangisan kamu....nak dgr suara kamu....nk buat mcm2 ngan kamu...i love u baby bungahati...ibu x tau kamu dgr atau tak...tp u shld knw yg ibu always waiting for u my miracle baby....😚😘😍😙