Assalamualikum readers & ttcians,

My last update was in november 2015, such a long time isn't it? 

Too many stories, moments would like to share but i have a very limited time haha....its not a good excuse i guess :P

Well, today rasa mcm nak luahkan somthing. I am very sad..very very sad and its so sickening. My heart was broken. As a ttcians i believe many of you feel the same way. No body knows how its feel except ttician. The tears, heart broken, disappointment, depression, sad, useless all mixed up. The feeling for being ttcians is just ..... how am i to describe??? tell me sob.sob..sob...

I am so blessed to have a very understanding and supporting husband. He hate to see me sad when its come to child. He always comfort me by saying that "if we dont have any child then its ok as long as i have you around that should be enough...together we build our own happiness in our own way"...i know he is so supportive anyhow as a wife its just our dream to have our own child isn't it??? i cant pretend im okay....and the fact is im am not okay!!! 

Several times my cousins have their newborn baby, i have not strong enough want to pay them a visit as i dont want to hurt my feelings. Dont get me wrong..im happy for them just cant face them. Its all about me and me and me......i have to jaga my feeling as well. And most important thing i dont want people to express their sympathy towards me. If you really would like to show your sympathy to me then do it in silent way. Pray for me may Allah give me a chance to have my own baby.

Yesterday i overheard my sister in law was pregnant for 5 weeks. I am so happy for her but why ..why and why i was not be informed??? why keep it from me??? or they dont want to hurt my feeling?  by telling me? owh no...no..no...dont do this to me sob...sob..sob..

When you hide it .....it will make me sad and disappointing. I get to know by "overheard" if not ???? do you know guys?? its hurt me a lot...a lot...trust me you wont know or feel what i've been through now. Married for 7 years with no kids...haih...saddening isnt it?

Now im trying to take it in positive way. I know Allah is the best planner. I believe in Allah. Allah is always there for me whenever i feel down.  Rezeki itu datangnya dari Allah. 



p/s: dear my unborn baby bunga hati ibu, belum ada rezeki untuk kite berjumpe....bunga doa bnyk2 moga kite cepat jmpe ye sayang. Ibu nak sangat rase mengandungkan bunga, melahirkan bunga dan membesarkan bunga. Tapi ibu tak tau adakah ibu berpeluang untuk merasa semua itu. Kadang-kadang ibu sedih bile teringatkan bile  la dapt kite berjumpa tp ibu percaya Allah maha adil , maha mendengar, maha mengasihani...moga Allah makbulkan doa ibu. Ibu akan terus merayu dan merayu moga Allah perkenankan doa2 ibu. Ibu love u bunga sayang. Will wait for you my miracle baby.